"Willetta's Witness"
Willetta, 1990
The mornin after Miz Vivi done took off in the T-Bird and roared back,
she tell me first thing: Letta, you get in Mister Big Shep's room and
haul out every single thing of mine. I'm not sleeping with that
sonavabitch again as long as I live! Not if he's dying of a heart
attack and holding out a million dollar bill in his hand.
Well, she done said this sort of thing to me before,
when we done went and ripped all the gold "HIS" monograms off they
anniversary bath towels and writ SHITHEAD on them with Magic Markers.
That was the time he took off wild turkey hunting in Texas just when
she was throwin that big fortieth birthday party for Miz Teensy. She
had done hired a little combo and all, and set up men to tend bar and
park the cars. And Mister Big Shep he up and left out to go shooting
turkeys. We done ruint all his towels, then she had me hang them in the
bathroom right where he'd walk in and spot them.
Then me and her went in the deep freeze with a
freezer marker and scrawled "CRAP" all over his frozen duck and deer
meat he done put up. That was a shame cause you couldn't even see the
date when that game was kilt.
When that man got home, he give all that meat to
Chaney and me. Us thawed it out and had a big cook-up cause we ain't
done had no deep freeze. Our people thought we done hit the jackpot!
Everybody be sittin round the table smiling, sayin, Oooh, this the best "crap" I ever ate!
Yeah, uh-huh, when Miz Vivi ain't callin Mister Big
Shep her Lover-Man, she callin him Poor Excuse. That what she
say: He a damn poor excuse for a man.
But it sho look like she mean bidness with this
bedroom move. I had to move out all her lingerie and make-up from the
dresser and all her pretty what-nots she done collected from all over.
And she say: Letta, you can take that picture of Mister Shep and me at
Pat O'Brien's and stuff it where the sun don't shine.
I like to say, Don't you be talkin like that to me.
But of course I don't say nothin nohow. If it's one thing I learnt in
this life, it's to bite my tongue when I got to and yell when I don't.
